Unfortunately for quite a few of my friends, those that I know personally, those that I associate with occasionally and those that I’ve recently met through my blog, you are traveling down a road that I’ve treaded upon for almost 20 years - this will be your first Mother’s Day without your mother. Will it be hard? Yes. Will it get easier? Ummm….some years it will be a little easier but it takes time. For me 20 years later still seems like yesterday….
Mother’s Day….Around this time of year I find myself writing about how much I miss my mom or how much I appreciate all that she’s done, all that she was, and all that she still is in my life. With each letter typed I find myself misting up and usually by the middle or end of my article I’m in tears. As I cry a little and write a little I often find laughter in the middle of my tears – tears then laughter - it’s like that sometimes AND yes, it’s okay. Okay? Yes it’s okay to cry about missing your first love. I do it all the time – at home, on the way to work, when I’m stressed and need someone to talk to, when I hear a song that reminds me of her, and when I realize how much of our lives she’s missed – I can’t help it. However, the one thing that I’ve taught myself over the years is that it’s okay to cry. I have messed up many a morning make-up but its okay…God knows that my heart is heavy that’s why He sends me a rainbow of laughter in the midst of my pain.
As I was preparing for something to write this year I wanted to do something a little different than in years past. My mind drifted to all of the small sacrifices that she’s made, the little things that didn’t seem like much back then. As I was thinking about my mom, Ms. Virginia (as she was called by my friends), God gave me a strengthener for 2009 in a song that I remember from way back in the day but never associated it with my mother. This, He knew, would explain how she was able to do all that she did; how she was able to make the big and the small sacrifices. It would give me answers to questions that I’m just now asking. In the middle of April as I was cleaning house God put an unexpected smile on my face. “This,” He dropped in my spirit, “is the song that will sum up all that you have said to her, tried to write to or about her, or have felt for her the last 20 years. It will explain how.” This year God found a way to dry my tears.
Bishop T.D. Jakes wrote a book, Mama Made the Difference. Well, yes she did. And in the middle of April, as I danced around in my bathroom, I began to understand how she was able to love me unconditionally even when I tried her patience. I began to understand how she was able to have just the right touch, the right heart, the right words and the right devotion that allowed her to love 4 children separately but equally. So Mama, surprisingly this year I write my article not in tears but with the smile I had as I danced around my bathroom; a smile is what you would have wanted from me. Happy Mother’s Day Mama - as always I’m forever loving you and I hope that I’m still making you proud.
~Stay Prayed Up! CLICK ON THE LINK
Monday, May 4, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
BAILOUT.....
“Man God don blessed dem wit a 4-bedroom house and she act like she don’t want nobody staying wit her.” Those were the words of a group of young men on the rail as I rode downtown to attend my department’s working retreat. It shocked me to hear spite in their tone, especially when it became obvious that they were upset about someone else’s “blessing.” Who were they to slam someone for having something that they could have had also. Unfortunately my own personal experience with this type of behavior doesn’t make it too hard to believe that they were mad because she had what one of them needed. She had a house; he needed a place to stay. Bailout…
As I continued to listen to their foolishness I couldn’t help but see that this recession has brought out the laziness in some people. Though times really have become hard people seem to expect someone to help them when they can’t, or worse, won’t help themselves. Don’t get me wrong I believe in helping others and I don’t mind lending a helping hand to those really in need but it bothers me that people are becoming content with being trifling. When I heard the young men discussing this the first thing that popped in my head was, “You just can’t help some people.” A day or two later my brother Terrance confirmed by remarking that he had a conversation with someone and found it strange that for over 6 months this person was taking their time with getting their life together; they were okay living off of someone else. Bailout… Today when I asked my friend Catrell how was life since he moved back to DC he commented that he’d grown tired of going out of his way to help people. It was draining always being on the giving end. Bailout…I meant to remind him of what I told him before he left Atlanta; something that I learned when we moved back home. “Just because they’re family doesn’t mean that you give more than you keep.” Trellie (my name for him) and I would laugh often about our tales of woe when it came to family. I had many horror stories of when we moved home and how it seemed like every week somebody “needed” something. Little did I know then but we were providing a Bailout…With our bailout people borrowed but never paid back. People stole what they thought we wouldn’t miss. People called with sob stories for this and for that. For my husband reality set in when family begged us to help them repair their home; we found out later that they’d also received a loan from someone else for the same repair – we never saw the $700 again. Reality for me was finding out that family had more than enough money in the bank but watched us rob Peter to pay Paul to help my brother with his college tuition after his funding came up short. He's a lot like me, not wanting to bother anyone so he decided that he would sit out a year. I could see his disappointment so I was determined to make it happen. Did the family with the money in the bank offer to repay or even pay half? Did you? “Man, God don blessed dem…” I guess that’s foreign for it’s alright to take advantage of “dem.” Bailout; everybody thinks they deserve a bailout. I had a phone call from someone that called the day before they had to move out; apparently they had no regard for how this would impact my life; in their mind it was no biggie because “God don blessed dem.” Bailout....I took my niece in without any offered assistance from her parents because “God don blessed dem.” They continue to live life as usual while I became “the parent” and paid for dance class, uniforms, cell phone, school fees and all of the other "auntie I have to have." Bailout....
Since hearing the selfish remarks from the young men on the rail I’ve made a decision that the next time somebody “reminds” me that God don blessed me. Maybe I'll remind them that maybe God don blessed me because I'm always on the giving and helping-out end. I'm always the one worried at night about someone else's troubles while they are sound asleep. I’m going to remind them that God is no respecter of person and what He's done for me He will or may already have done for them. I'm going to remind them that as long as they eat out when they want, get their hair done while I touch up my edges, can afford mani-pedis while I paint my own, and have the latest ring tone on their cell while I stick to the standard then apparently God don blessed dem too. Maybe I should ask dem can they help a sistah out; I'd like to get my toes done once in a while. Hey, can I get a Bailout?
~Stay Prayed Up! CLICK ON THE LINK
As I continued to listen to their foolishness I couldn’t help but see that this recession has brought out the laziness in some people. Though times really have become hard people seem to expect someone to help them when they can’t, or worse, won’t help themselves. Don’t get me wrong I believe in helping others and I don’t mind lending a helping hand to those really in need but it bothers me that people are becoming content with being trifling. When I heard the young men discussing this the first thing that popped in my head was, “You just can’t help some people.” A day or two later my brother Terrance confirmed by remarking that he had a conversation with someone and found it strange that for over 6 months this person was taking their time with getting their life together; they were okay living off of someone else. Bailout… Today when I asked my friend Catrell how was life since he moved back to DC he commented that he’d grown tired of going out of his way to help people. It was draining always being on the giving end. Bailout…I meant to remind him of what I told him before he left Atlanta; something that I learned when we moved back home. “Just because they’re family doesn’t mean that you give more than you keep.” Trellie (my name for him) and I would laugh often about our tales of woe when it came to family. I had many horror stories of when we moved home and how it seemed like every week somebody “needed” something. Little did I know then but we were providing a Bailout…With our bailout people borrowed but never paid back. People stole what they thought we wouldn’t miss. People called with sob stories for this and for that. For my husband reality set in when family begged us to help them repair their home; we found out later that they’d also received a loan from someone else for the same repair – we never saw the $700 again. Reality for me was finding out that family had more than enough money in the bank but watched us rob Peter to pay Paul to help my brother with his college tuition after his funding came up short. He's a lot like me, not wanting to bother anyone so he decided that he would sit out a year. I could see his disappointment so I was determined to make it happen. Did the family with the money in the bank offer to repay or even pay half? Did you? “Man, God don blessed dem…” I guess that’s foreign for it’s alright to take advantage of “dem.” Bailout; everybody thinks they deserve a bailout. I had a phone call from someone that called the day before they had to move out; apparently they had no regard for how this would impact my life; in their mind it was no biggie because “God don blessed dem.” Bailout....I took my niece in without any offered assistance from her parents because “God don blessed dem.” They continue to live life as usual while I became “the parent” and paid for dance class, uniforms, cell phone, school fees and all of the other "auntie I have to have." Bailout....
Since hearing the selfish remarks from the young men on the rail I’ve made a decision that the next time somebody “reminds” me that God don blessed me. Maybe I'll remind them that maybe God don blessed me because I'm always on the giving and helping-out end. I'm always the one worried at night about someone else's troubles while they are sound asleep. I’m going to remind them that God is no respecter of person and what He's done for me He will or may already have done for them. I'm going to remind them that as long as they eat out when they want, get their hair done while I touch up my edges, can afford mani-pedis while I paint my own, and have the latest ring tone on their cell while I stick to the standard then apparently God don blessed dem too. Maybe I should ask dem can they help a sistah out; I'd like to get my toes done once in a while. Hey, can I get a Bailout?
~Stay Prayed Up! CLICK ON THE LINK
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